looking down.

i. can't. wait.

My favorite book.

oh darling plump soul.

The other night Katherine and I cozied up and watched Anne of Green Gables. As the long adventurous movie progressed, Anne's love for life, beauty, people, imagination, adventures, and home, embellished in a glorious tapestry. You found yourself loving her dearly...but why? It is often a question that I have asked myself. Who are we? I know I was made in the image of God, but does my soul "change" over time, and become "different" mes? Perhaps what makes up at least part of our quantifiable measurable "soul" are those things/beings that we love. They are somehow inwoven in us, forming our personhood and giving grounds for others to love us in return. We were designed to love. It seems quite natural to conclude that what we love makes us who we are, to some extent. Part of why you loved Anne is because she invested herself into so many wonderful things and through her you had a different picture of the world. She "drank" in the flowers, appreciated every sun-kissed blossom, valued people and their stories, and relished the moon. The more of God's creation you love, the more of it "plumpens" your soul, so to speak. Not only do you love her capacity to love, but the goodness and beauty she poured into her soul.

simple wisdom.

I have so much swarming in my brain after my holidays and I will debrief when I collect my thoughts. In the meantime, I'm posting some old drafts of movie thoughts I never got around to posting.

Although Forrest Gump somehow, unknowingly, slips through the floor boards of my memory when asked my favorite movies, it is truly remarkable. The ability for Forrest to cling to the loyalties he established and carry out "the next task" with diligent fervor and simple obedience plucked at the strings of my heart. His ability to love others more than himself and so easily neglect self awareness, even when put in dire situations, convicts me. His "capacity," although smaller than someone with more intellectual capabilities, was full...and it was not burdened with a sense of fear.

Although being simple and mentally slow is considered a medical impediment (as it rightly is), I wonder if it is not a glimpse of what we should all be like, to a degree...glimpses of Adam and Eve before the knowledge of "good" and "evil." One Sunday, my pastor stated that it wasn't that the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was in itself bad (after all God possessed this knowledge and awareness), it was just too great a burden for humans in their capacities to bear in a manner they could, on their own, handle with wisdom and freedom. (Whether or not the fruit had anything to do with the actual sin or whether it was merely a medium through which their sin was expressed is a discussion for another day.) Forrest, and others like him, was not burdened with enough discernment to fear...he just lived. Each day was a blessing and each task was carried out with intriguing fervor. Although it is a movie, and in real life many frustrations would've arisen (he is still a fallen human), there is such a freeness to his limitations. To take an example from real life, a couple Sundays ago this simple boy ran up on stage during worship and raised his hands in adamant praise and he remained there for the duration of the worship. My first instinct was to feel embarrassed for him, and then I felt shame that I would ever be concerned with such things as a person's opinion of me worshiping my Creator...shame. The very thing Adam and Eve felt when their eyes were opened to their capacity for evil. Shame is how humans interact with each other and often with God.

So yes, God has given us minds for discernment, to enjoy the enlightenment they are able to unveil, and to glorify Him to the best of our abilities (we are called to love Him with our mind..it is a beautiful gift that has lead to many discoveries about the truth of the world that have, in turn, given us more reasons to glorify God. But sometimes I feel like we are not simple enough in our attitudes...we are too weighted down and concerned, bearing a burden we were never meant to bear in our own strength.

Sufjan Stevens - Holy, Holy, Holy

dad's rescue

I ran out of gas tonight after work, and sputtered to a halt. There I sat on the side of the road, in a dead car, with a near dead phone, in the pouring rain, at 11:00 pm. With the little battery I had, I called home and alerted the troops (some of which, were in bed), and was informed that Dad was on the way. All I could do was sit and listen to the rhythmic patter of the rain on the roof and the clicking of my lonesome emergency lights. It was a good time...a waiting time. I used it in silence, to slow my racing heart and mind down from finals, Christmas festivities, and regular busy-ness. I tried to listen to the whisper or, in this case, the "patter" God uses to communicate or convict. Amongst the humbling of my heart, the time of confession and silence, and the general recognition of the beautiful God I have in the glorious storminess of night, what was continually brought to my attention was just how marvelous it was to have a Daddy who would come without complaint in the middle of the night and in the pouring rain, to rescue me. It was symbol, so often forgotten, of how much God loves us....that He would send Jesus Christ into the rain and murkiness of sin to save us...that He loves us and wants us to wait on Him, and that He not only saves us, but comes when we call day by day. Dad showed up, greeted me with such warmth, as his truly valued daughter, and finagled the stupid plasticy gas thingy into my car. I know I irresponsibly let it run low, but he came when I called. That was beautiful.

morocco and spain in 4,000 pictures.